


Lost Memories

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Series: Extended Scenes & Fix-Its [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: s02e03 Parabatai Lost, Extended Scene, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:23:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9378344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: Raphael sighed and he couldn't even blame the fledgeling for this. Simon was new to being a vampire, he didn't see the clan as his family yet and this rate probably never would. And despite his words, Raphael knew very well that it was impossible to just forget about the family from your mundane life. He had never been able to forget about his own family and had visited them as often as he could but he never told them what he had become. Raphael never corrected the lie Magnus had spun for him, that had made him out to be a warlock and not the bloodsucker that he really was.His mamá, bless her soul, would never have welcomed him back home if she had known. The thought would never not hurt and Raphael slumped into the chair at his large desk, head falling back with another sigh leaving his lips, eyelids fluttering close.Sooner or later, even your memories of her will fade. Whether you want them to or now.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this on the people in the fandom who couldn't shut about how Raphael said these words from his own experience. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to and doesn't feel nearly as dramatic/sad as I intended.

_"Your mum will grow old while you stay the same. And eventually, she'll be gone. Sooner or later, even your memories of her will fade. Whether you want them to or not"_

His own words echoed in his memories when he entered the almost empty hotel, all the other members of the clan were either out to have some fun or on the search for hints about Camille's whereabouts, even though they knew it was nearly impossible anyway. They needed Simon's help and his connection through the sire-bond. He was the only one who had a real chance at finding her but his thoughts were preoccupied with worries about his mother.

Raphael sighed and he couldn't even blame the fledgeling for this. Simon was new to being a vampire, he didn't see the clan as his family yet and this rate probably never would. And despite his words, Raphael knew very well that it was impossible to just forget about the family from your mundane life. He had never been able to forget about his own family and had visited them as often as he could but he never told them what he had become. Raphael never corrected the lie Magnus had spun for him, that had made him out to be a warlock and not the bloodsucker that he really was.

His mamá, bless her soul, would never have welcomed him back home if she had known. The thought would never not hurt and Raphael slumped into the chair at his large desk, head falling back with another sigh leaving his lips, eyelids fluttering close.

_Sooner or later, even your memories of her will fade. Whether you want them to or now._

It was hard to admit that Raphael wasn't even quite sure of the face he saw in his mind was an accurate depiction of what his mamá had looked like. If he still remembered the sound of her voice correctly. It had been too long and thinking of her had been difficult in the first years after her passing but it had only helped along the process of _forgetting_. How could someone forget the voice and face of the woman who raised them?

It was the harsh truth of every immortal being and Raphael wasn't even old for a vampire but he was already forgetting. He didn't want to imagine to forget about his family completely. Did some vampires even forget their birth parents' and siblings' names after centuries? What _did_ they still remember? He would ask Magnus but the warlock had too painful of a past and probably didn't remember by choice or at least wouldn't want to dig them back up. The only other option, Ragnor, wasn't an option anymore either.

Ragnor had been the oldest of them and he had been the first of them to go. The thought of the loss of his friend brought another wave of sadness over Raphael and he took a small, unnecessary breath - a breath he usually had gotten rid of decades ago but sometimes it still happened. Now Ragnor was with the people who would be forgotten in time because his memories would fade as well and Raphael felt like curling in on himself. He didn't want to forget! He'd rather carry the pain of having lost his loved ones forever instead of living with the knowledge of forgetting about them.

 _Nobody was truly dead as long as they weren't forgotten._ But one day he would forget completely, it was inevitable. It was impossible to remember people from decades and then centuries ago clearly or at all, at some point.

"Lo siento, mamá. Nunca quise para que eso suceda," he whispered into the silence of his room and suddenly Simon's anxious expression was back, worrying about his mother so that his feelings had been almost palpable. It was important to find Camille and set and end to this before more harm would come to his clan or innocent mundanes but Raphael understood that family was the most important.

He got up and straightened his jacket, checked himself in a mirror and made sure he was looking composed, presentable before he rushed out of the hotel once more, this time with the intention of finding a different member of the Lewis family.

When Raphael had been turned, he had pushed himself to the limit again and again until he had been able to speak His name again, until he could walk holy ground without the searing pain of getting burned and until he had been able to wear his cross again, everything to be able to meet his mamá and make her stop worrying about him. He couldn't fault Simon for wanting the same thing.

_Raphael, mijo, Raphael, my Raphael._

The memory of her voice and face may fade but Raphael was determined to hold on to the love she had poured into every syllable of his name, especially when she had welcomed him back in her arms when he had returned. It was the least he could do.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Lo siento, mamá. Nunca quise para que eso suceda_ \- I'm sorry, mama. I never meant for this to happen  
>  _Mijo_ \- Honey


End file.
